Just an update that we held our Midtown Missions Night and heard from 15 different Midtowners having returned from all over the world (6 different continents- sorry Antarctica) to share what God was doing.
It was humbling and one of the most powerful and faith-building times of testimony we have ever experienced! Soon, we will compile an audio file of some of the “best of” moments, edited of course for security purposes.
You could call life a Whirlwind
|
Friends, I cannot even think about what to write. Hopefully, you al received me email about my Aunt’s passing. I made it home just in time to spend one full day with her, reading the Word over her and prying for her. She responded in such a beautiful way and I have no doubt in my heart that she waited for me, knew me and all pain left before she headed Home. I really feel as if I was able to mourn even before her passing, not giving up in believing for a miracle but preparing my heart. Upon arrival to the States, life was nuts. I dealt with some warfare coming home and was sick the night I arrived, then had ups and downs while home. I spent such sweet time with family while home and saw the fruit of this woman of God living a life that reflected JC. I did not spend much time with friends, except a few and I apologize to those of you who wished to see me and did not get a chance. Even being back now I’m wishing I had greater time with my friend Duaa and some others. I had a peaceful retreat with my mother (which was needed) and rested for a while but found it hard to not get sucked back up into the fast-paced lifestyle I live when home. I found myself getting exhausted and am even now, finding it hard to rest being back in Jordan. I will have to admit that Papa must have known that my bones were getting dry. I wonder why this timing, why this woman, why this circumstance and I can rationalize a million ways in my head everything that transpired. I know if we had known she was sick before I left, I might not have gone, despite His call, sadly. I almost did not want to come home. I was being stubborn and selfish, but did not realize that until landing. I thought I would do what every person before me had done, left and not looked back. Lived sacrificially, let go of comfort, live through trials and pain, and be better for it, but that was most definitely bits of pride rising up, something I pry continually for. For it not to arise, or for there to be no reason for it to. But Papa knew. He knew I was tired, weary, that being stretched hurts. And boy have I been going through some stretching. So maybe He brought me home for rest. Rejuvination. I’ve said this before, but I don;t think anyone wakes up in the morning and just says they’ll go overseas because it will be delightful. No, because it is hard. It is a sacrifice. It is waking up every morning and saying “I must die today”. Maybe small deaths, or large, but I must die everyday to myself and what i think I deserve or want or desire. I must die for His sake. And those deaths hurt, but they are worth it. So I’m back now and already “dying”. It is painful, but in the past year or two, more than ever, I think I have learned to embrace pain, because it produces the most fruit. So friends, as I walk back into this season in this land, pray that I might have the strength to die. That I might re-lay everything down at His altar. But that my heart would also be sustained through His word, His voice, His presence. I love you all. You have blessed me more than you know by walking through this with me. REMINDER: I am back in the M.E. Please remember to be sensitive in your emails to me. No “trigger” words that might draw suspicion. Write things like Pry or Papa etc, as “code”. Thanks again. Salaam, Rachel |
Week 6: The Heart Divine
Friends,
I have to look back every time I write to remember what the past week has looked like, never has time flown so fast! It has been such an eventful week, one that had turned me to a bit more frustration than I like to admit. I attended a friends’ cousin’s wedding and was welcomed into the family as a prospect for the remaining unwed cousin. Half of this traditional Arab Muslim wedding was spent with just the women and the wedded couple, a beautiful time of dancing and whistling and blessings from the women. Upon eating, the men all joined the party and dancing commenced with me being thrust continually towards this “possible husband”. As much as I adore the M.E. and its culture and its people, I must say, I began to feel smothered, exhausted and a tad bit angry. I love that Papa has blessed me by teaching me the ways of the culture and the language, but that in and of itself is the very thing that drew this family to me. So the fact that I am educated, culturally aware, appropriate, respectable and a “devout woman of God” in their words, made me a greater prospect. I found myself wondering if my strong faith, which I talk about like I would talk about my grocery list, was a blessing and a curse.
I try continually to watch my words, for Papa has continually taught me the importance of what you say and how “words have the power of life and death”. So in a way I was cursing my own beliefs in that moment for being the thing that attracted people to me. I cannot tell you how wrong this was of me, and something that called for deep repentance and recognition on my part as the largest blessing one could ask for. One getting my head back on straight, I realized that come of my pr*yers that had been made as requests before arriving here, were being answered. That in every conversation, His name would spill from my lips, and that every situation would be dealt with boldly, yet eloquently, which has happened. All this has been confirmed as well by friends here, whose friends and relatives recognize my depth of thought upon God. The older of such stating that my upbringing is all owed to Gods work in my parents, and the younger, quite honestly becoming annoyed by my constant talk of the Father. But what a blessing!
The middle of the week, I was able to travel with some friends and one of the daughters of the family here to Aqaba on the Red Sea. Although I don’t feel I had an appropriate amount of time to take in where I was, I did feel refreshed. The past two weeks have been full of frustration with the now. Not having what I want, or what is comfortable, and truly Papa has answered my pr*yers, because for years I have asked that i might always be uncomfortable in order to be stretched more and more by harsh conditions, even when they look beautiful. He is truly stretching and refining me in the furnace, and what a lovely pain it is! I long for this pain, you see. I beg that Papa would send me through trials and pain, because out of those times come the most growth and changed perspective, and redeemed areas of my soul. I hope you all would embrace the same pain. JC did to the full, even to death. In the midst of all my grumbling, God still is good, all the time. His mood never changes, and He is never caught off guard by my failings or arguments and grumbling. He is constant and good and still speaks through me though I am so unworthy. I am here, where He was, where His people were, like I always say, in “God’s land”, and how often I take that for granted! Oh that i would know His love to the fullness, that His love brought me here, and His Love, the One that swept me up in love i here, ahead, behind, here.
Let me leave you with this from a friend from long ago, Ms. Carmichael:
“Let us listen to the simple words, ‘trust me my child’, He says. ‘Trust me with a humbler heart and a fuller abandon to My will than ever thou didst before. trust me to pour My love through thee, as minute succeeds minute. And if thou shouldst be conscious of anything hindering the flow, do not hurt my Love by going away from Me in discouragement, nothing can hurt love so much as that. Draw all the closer to Me, come, flee unto Me to hide thee, even from thyself. Tell Me about the trouble. Trust Me to turn My hand upon thee and throughly to remove the boulder that has choked thy river-bed, and take away all the sand that has silted up the channel. I will not leave thee until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of. I will perfect that which concerneth thee. Fear thou not, O child of my love; fear not”.
Pr*y this week for solid rest, quiet, and time with Papa that brings stillness to my soul. That men that continue to try to pursue that which is not theirs, in the Arab way, and not even Papa’s way would be halted and my being might be covered in a spiritual protection. That women would rise up that i might consume my time with and that opportunities that I am pursuing might either open fully or close the door. Also pr*y that my Spirit might stand up instead of my soul, and that all would be done unto His name.
Salaam,
Rachel
And they’re off….
Just a quick note that the first EPIC team is off, has landed and from several facebook posts and updates is having an incredible time. They’ve been touring outside of the city in the Jordan River valley talking about the origin of baptism and possible sites of the BIG ONE.
Continue lifting this team up as they continue to travel, meet new people, and learn in the land of milk and honey.
Week 5: Perseverance in Trials
Friends,
Interesting week to say the least. I’ve told some of you, but I’m recognizing more and more the things that they enemy uses in this land. Jealousy, competition, materialism; all these things have arisen in the past week more than usual. Many people who I had the chance to speak with before I left, friends, strangers, all had a pre-conceived notion of what the Middle East is like. I would usually give my opinion from knowledge, and personal experience, but most of what I told were the beautiful things. Jordan has changed so much since I was last here, and I believe my eyes are more open this time to the underlying issues, instead of just being in “tourist mode”. On my last trip, I met some wonderful people and had great conversation, but I also got to see all the historical landmarks for the first time. To be honest, it was like my honeymoon with Jordan. I was completely enthralled with the lands beauty and people and culture. Now don’t get me wrong, I still am, except I’m wearing new glasses.
This week, I’ve found myself wishing for a bit of home. The comfort of knowing I can buy asparagus at the Farmers Market for just three dollars a bundle where here it is eighteen JD per kilo! Or even just wishing for nights of solitude, where here nightlife is your life. I’m even longing for the speedier government, every process here takes twice as long! I’ve also been struck with feeling like I am unable to live simply here. This is the dilemma. This is where I feel the enemy has his hold. Though I don’t want to give him credit, I will say it looks like he is very crafty at getting people consumed with things that are not holy. Here, where prayers are daily seen in public, the culture of honor, where people openly declare their devout-ness, is looming a dark cloud of insecurity and fear of failure and the need to be recognized. Granted, there are extremely devout men and women, but their identities are so confused. They do not seem to have a solid grasp on the anchor of Papa. I honor these people for their continued reverence for God, focus on family, etc, but I do see many of the things I know God is wishing to redeem.
I have successfully been to my second cookout, second wedding celebration (there are a few before the actual wedding), and seen my fair share of the mall (which I usually do not see). I’m wishing for thrift stores, quiet spaces and room for my brain to think. These are the times I long for America. But, do I choose to sit and judge these people and their culture and systems and government, or do I choose instead to intercede for a broken place? (and isn’t the US just as broken?) We are all part of a fallen world. I love that Papa has touched my heart and given me the ability to see what I call the “gold” in people, to see beyond their facades and false identities, their pain, and just see their heart, but now He is bringing my focus even clearer, to a land. I’ve had to truly look past all the junk that has arisen to see the very gold in people’s hearts, families and culture, and choose not to be offended or frustrated instead.
With Ramadan approaching, many bring up how “moody” people get during this time. I’m pr*ying that especially in this time Papa would open my eyes to speak to the pain in the area. To declare freedom, and to break chains; to see His Kingdom come. During a time when people’s focus is supposed to be God, many instead act out in their flesh. I wish not this upon myself, as I will be participating this year just as I did last year. Please pr*y with me that leading up to Ramadan, Papa would set up divine appointments for deep “faith” conversation and that friends would feel His presence. That my own irritability would leave and I would be an example for our faith in this time. Also, that I would not give in to the things of the world which seem to consume all my friends, (money, fashion, status, popularity, etc), and that I would just be JC to all my friends here. Please remember to pr*y for my family in this time as well with hardships at home. Pr*y for unity and perseverance and strength, and in all things seek peace.
Salaam,
Rachel
From the Field: Prayer Support in Kenya
Dearly missed Saints!!
I apologize that it has taken me so long to send you an update. Communication is very challenging here so this has been my first opportunity to thank you for your on-going prayers and fill you in on the last month.
I love this country. I love the people. It is both breath-taking and heart-breaking here. The juxtaposition has a way of humbling and refining me. I struggle everyday, mainly against my flesh, sometimes against the powers of darkness, but I believe Romans 8 when it says that “nothing can separate [me] from the love of God”.
The last month we have camped in two different villages, ministering house to house with different tribes and having fellowship gatherings in the evenings. We have had lots of Chai to drink and killed 2 sheep to feast on. We have prayed and fasted for rain and seen it rain each day for 5 days straight in the middle of a drought-stricken valley. We have seen men come to know and accept Jesus as the Christ, their Lord and Savior. We have encouraged those in famine, hardship, homelessness, sickness; the brokenhearted, the abandoned and the guilty. Praise the Lord!!! He is soooo good!!!
The rest of my time here will be spent in Kijabe ministering house to house, at schools, the hospital and an IDP camp (internally displaced persons).
Please pray for unity within my team and a continual strengthening of our relationships. Pray that discipleship, not just salvation, would come to Kenya. Pray that I would have grace for others and dive deeper into my relationships here.
Thank you for your love, support and prayers. They are felt greatly! Check out my blog for more:
http://kenya.adventures.org/?filename=distracted-by-time
May you be blessed,
–
Kate R
India Update: How Great Thou Art!
Brothers and Sisters In Christ,
As Kate and I come to the end of the second phase of our vision trip, I have to take time to praise the Lord for what he has done. Being able to stay with a host family for nearly a month has proved itself exceedingly fruitful, though at times maddeningly difficult. Now that we’re through the gauntlet, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t trade a moment of suffering for any sort of comfort that I longed for in the darkest hours. For it was through that suffering that the Lord taught both Kate and I so much about what it means to truly take up our cross and follow Him. It has taught me that following Jesus should cost you something; just as salvation cost Jesus His very life, so working out my salvation with fear and trembling will cost me mine. After all, a servant is not above his master.
When I say that following the Lord will cost me my life, I don’t mean that in a melodramatic literal sense (though, of course, that’s possible). What I mean is that just as Jesus told the disciples to drop everything and follow Him, so our Lord is now telling Kate and I to leave everything we’ve ever known. Dying to our desire for the comforts of America and our sweet relationships with family, friends, and church is a heavy burden. The reality of what it truly means to follow our Lord has been burned into our hearts this summer, and I praise His name for it. I come away from these past few weeks in awe of the work that the Lord has done in and through us. Just the amount of prayers that He answered during this time is enough for me to shout!
HOW GREAT THOU ART!
The night before we moved in with the family Kate and I sat down to petition the Lord for spiritual resources and favor. I wrote down most of our prayer points in my journal that I’ve kept religiously while we’ve been here. I would like to take this time to remember the glorious deeds of the Lord, and how we called and He answered.
- Lord, we pray for a deep connection with Tabinda, the 20 year old girl that is the only English speaker in the family.
What a mighty work the Lord did in answering this prayer. At times, Tabinda was hard to read. We often wondered what she really thought of us, and at times were honestly quite perplexed due to the language barrier and our lack of cultural fluency. It wasn’t until the night before we left, when Tabinda began to sob as we were packing, that the Lord broke in and showed both of us how much he had been using our time in this household to effect this family. I have to trust in the things unseen, and know that God’s strength is made perfect in our bumbling attempts at speaking the language and trying to function in a culture so foreign from our own.
- Lord, we pray for creativity and excellence in teaching. We pray that the girls in our classes would approach us and want genuine relationship.
Our 3 weeks teaching at the English school was blessed. The Lord helped overcome our nervousness and made teaching a real joy. Having a set schedule and distinct responsibilities was also very stablizing. Around the end of week 1 of our teaching stint, different girls in our intermediate class began to ask if we would like to go shopping with them. Praise the Lord! We developed the strongest relationship with a girl named Saba and her cousin Tab, with whom we had some of the deepest spiritual conversations and sweetest prayer times. The Lord gave us such a huge opportunity with Tab especially. Her English fluency was second to none, so the three of us could discuss spiritual things in the most meaningful way possible.
- Lord, we pray for divine appointments and favor with people in the neighborhood.
One night as we were walking home from school through the congested streets, Kate accidently stepped on the heels of a lady in a black burka twice. Kate apologized and struck up conversation when it turned out that the woman spoke English. Then, lo and behold, this same woman hops in the same minibus. She happened to live only a few blocks from our family’s home. And was our age. And wanted to help us with anything we needed. And wanted to start attending our English school. And got in a class that ended at the perfect time for the three of us to walk home together every night. And was open to talking about the Lord and already owned a Bible. I felt like the Lord was really pitching underhand on this one. Almas became our best friend during this month, and though she hasn’t come to know Jesus yet, I really believe the Lord is working on her. Please pray that the Lord would humble her and draw her to Himself.
- Lord, we pray that You would establish really long term relationships here.
I believe that that is exactly what the Lord has done. These relationships with our new family and friends are real and will be here for us when we come back, Lord willing. The favor that the Lord has given us is unwarrented but undeniable.
Now there were also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. [ John 21:25 ]
“Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends. [ 2 Corinthians 10:17-18 ]
With these God stories fresh in our hearts, our eyes are set on the third and final phase of our trip. Bihar, here we come! We’re leaving in less than an hour and will be traveling by train from Delhi to northern Bihar. There we will be serving a local hospital, Kate in the associated elementary school and myself in some sort of administrative fashion.
We’re looking forward to seeing what it’s like to be among the unreached of the unreached. Bihar, a state with a population of over 88 million people, is home to only 47,000 believers. There are many people groups within its borders that are not only unreached but completely unegaged. Please pray for this state and specificially the hosptial at which we will be volunteering, which is a true Kingdom outpost. Pray for revival and renewal to come to this place through the guidance and love of the Holy Spirit leading in all truth.
The Lord’s promises to bless all peoples through the name of His Son, beginning in the Abrahamic covenant and extending to the end of Revelation, will be brought to completion at the day of Christ. We trust in you, Lord.
Thank you for partnering us through prayer and hope in the gospel of the glory of Christ. We could not do this without each one of you.
Our other prayer requests:
- A safe train ride to and from the hospital, and for the right people to be assigned to our sleeper car.
- That we would be zealous to serve.
- The Lord would use us to encourage and bless people.
- If it’s the Lord’s will, that we would be able to take a day trip up to Nepal and see the Himalayas.
- Good relationships, divine appointments.
- That the Lord would teach us to pray for these areas.
- For the right roommates in the dormatory at the hospital.
- That we would have joy in our work there.
- Genuine love for everyone we meet.
- That we would be present, that our focus wouldn’t be on coming home in a few weeks.
In the name of Jesus we do all things,
Week 4: Spiritual Strength & the Field in Front of you
Friends,
Each week I sit down to write and feel new emotions rising up. Every week is different, every day is different. Peace has enveloped me in this last week and I have been able to just cling to Papa’s promises. I’ve spent time with new and old friends, made many new contacts, and have gotten a job, ptl. In this week though, I wonder, what word I can find to describe my Spirit’s current state. Last week I would have said wandering, and the week before restless, but in this week i just feel stagnant. I want a new encounter with my sweet JC. I don’t want answers, because my heart stopped wandering and wondering a long time ago and just came to a place of rest knowing He is bigger and I need not know all the working details of my life and the hidden things. I just want something fresh and new.
With each day I feel I travel through almost a deep chasm searching for God’s people here, those people of peace who need an encounter, but also wondering why they are so clueless. They are in what I like to call “God’s land”, where so much of history in all the faiths happened, but miss the most pivotal point. Then my heart goes to myself and searches for meaning, for purpose each day, and also digs into my desires for my life. I have kept many desires locked in a sort of hope box (not a literal one), which many do not know, because those desires are mine and Papa’s alone. And I wonder, I left for the M.E. ready to hear from Him what He would have me do long term, but also have deep desires hidden, wondering if they will be found.
Most of my time here I have gone back to some of the people I admire. Elizabeth Elliot, Amy Carmichael, both women who lived radically and forsook everything so that people might be led to the Straight Path to the Kingdom, yet both received their hearts desires. Maybe not how they expected it, but they got them. Mrs Elliot especially, in the form of 3 different husbands (after losing two to different deaths), children and a life of exciting discovery of new depths of God. I have tried to look inside myself and recognize my desires, but also place them on the altar. Just as Abraham did, and God provided a substitute so he didn’t really have to give up his desire for a son and many generations through him. So I lay all that I desire on the altar. I’ve come to a place of recognizing that nothing is worth me being in the Kingdom without the rest of God’s children. Do I desire a husband, a family, a home? Absolutely. Do I desire somewhat unnecessary things like the ability to decorate a home, buy another nick-nack for my bedside table, or weekend road trips to the beach and the mountains? Absolutely. But if I cannot bring myself to a place of laying EVERYTHING down then I feel unworthy to call myself a servant of God.
Many forget that their ‘field’ is right in front of them. You do not have to go to another country to feel ‘called’. Your city, your neighborhood, your workplace, your school is where you are supposed to be. I am not anymore radical than my friends because I am here. Radical living, that chooses to let go of anything we want, or thought we want happens everyday, but it is a choice. I choose, to let go. To say yes and amen to anywhere God leads, letting go of the tight grip I have on my ideas of a perfect life. Because my life will not be perfect unless I feel I have been JC to every person I meet. Not that I should feel like a failure should I not succeed in every conversation, but I want to know I lived as he did. So this coming week, I choose not to forget about dreams and desires, but instead to lay them down, again and again, continually, every morning and every night, so that my gaze might be on Him and my goal might be on them. I had the privilege to meet a friends family this week, and later this friend informed me that his father said this of me, “her mind is to great and deep for me to know her, she knows herself and her God, and with this she is not 22, but 30, far too deep a thinker for me to understand”. Well ptl, because sometimes I feel inadequate compared to the “deep thinkers” of my time. This only just confirms my hope that God would be my anchor and speak through me, and in that conversation he did. (I’ve been invited by this family for iftar during Ramadan which I will write about later but pr*y that Papa would stir up more in my “deep well” to share next time I see them). So now I see, when I let go, and live in the ‘now’, He comes. When my mind is not on what I want, but on what He longs for, big things happen, but He still blesses me with what I long for.
Join with me this week. Let go of what you want, or think you are entitled to. Don’t let go of dreams, but rather lay them down, trusting that God sees you and knows those desires and He will fulfill them, but they need not be your focus, He does, and they do. Be JC to those around you this week. Focus more than you usually do. Choose to be led by your Spirit and not by flesh. Every conversation is an opportunity, For Papa to show up and meet even you. Pr*y for me this week as well. That He would strengthen my Spirit, and that I would not feel the need to be honored for my sacrifice. That strength would rise up even more. That a more focused vision would come, and meetings would be divine appointments, with right timing and conversation. I bless you with E 3:14-21 this week. May He dwell in your hearts and you be rooted and grounded in love.
Salaam,
Rachel
Final Bosnia Update!
Greetings from Makarska!
Well, the end of my time in Bosnia has come. I am in Makarska (Croatia) right now, reflecting on my time in Bosnia. We’ll start with some facts/numbers. We met over 130 students from the University of “Sacramento”. The entire Gospel was shared no less than 80 times in our 5 weeks there. We are connecting around 30 students to the long-term staff of S. Student in “Sacramento”. We were able to serve the long-term staff by:planning a weekly meeting for them, baby-sit their children, plan events (such as a cookout, rafting trip, soccer day, girls party, and a talent show) for the organization, and beef up their numbers for a real game of ultimate frisbee (since Bosnians are soccer purists…). We attempted to serve at an orphanage (it fell through due to the insane amount of paper work and barriers they put up for us). Our goodbye party had around 30+ people, which was a surprise because of the large rainstorm that happened right before it started. Personally, I met one-on-one weekly (with a few exceptions) with 4 guys on our team, discipling them and checking up on how they were doing. As house captain and student staff, I was kept busy making sure things were running smoothly and planning during staff meetings.
All in all, it was a busy summer. So much was accomplished in these past 5 weeks. But even with all of that, the most important part of this time in Bosnia was the personal spiritual growth. Man, what a ride it was. I learned so much this summer from the Word and my personal time talking with God. He taught me through the wisdom of my leaders and through the gentle discipline of conviction. I sought God, and He allowed me to find Him. I learned how much He didn’t need me in Bosnia. He only chose to use me and my team. For example,
A lady who worked at the Copy Shop down the road from our house saw what our leader (Greg) was printing. She asked if he was a Christian. When he replied “Yes,” she said “Then who is this Jesus and how do I have a relationship with him?” She started working at that copy shop only days before we arrived in “Sacramento” and stopped a week before we left. God didn’t need us to be in her life, he chose us.
A guy who came to know God a while ago from reading the Bible when he wanted to practice his English came on coffee with a friend of his and one of our team members. He ended up coming to S. Student and building relationships with us there. We were able to disciple him in his faith and get him connected to a church. God didn’t need us to connect him, but He used us.
There are countless examples of how God chose to use us, even though He didn’t need us. While in “Sacramento”, God also taught me about why this mission is important. I know, ironic that I figure it out at the end of the trip, but there is a reason for that. You see, I came on this trip with good intentions about what I wanted to see happen here. Some people might think it’s weird to take time to go across the world just to share one simple message. But the reason I, and so many others do it, is because of the joy, power, and freedom that comes from the Gospel. I truly believe that every person in the; world needs to hear it. And I know that it is God’s desire that everyone hears it. So if you haven’t heard it, here it is in 4 short points (if you know it, this is a good reminder):
1) God loves you and desires to have a relationship with you. He has a plan for your life.
2) Because of a sinful nature, we cannot stand in the presence of a sinless being.
3) God sacrificed His Son, Jesus, so that He could take the punishment for our sin and we could stand blameless before God.
4) All we have to do is accept this message, it is our choice.
Anyways, this trip was amazing. The numbers at the beginning of this email are cool, but I consider everything not as important compared with the awesomeness that is knowing Christ personally. It’s true, and it this fact shaped my summer. Love you all!!
Soli Deo Gloria,
Darin McKenna
Week 3 in the M.E: HOPE
Friends,
I keep trying to sit down and get my thoughts together about this past week but words are continually failing me. This has been a rough week. It feels like it has been months in only a few short days. Many of you received a quick word about some bad news i received from home, and I’ll fill you in a bit. I was informed a couple of days after leaving home that my closest relative was going to the doctor for some tests for possible cancer. I kept waiting and waiting on results and finally got word Monday. Before I ask you to pr*y, I just want to tell you who this woman is.
P is my mothers only sister, 18 years older. She has served me as an aunt, a grandmother, a confidant, a mentor, a friend. She is the very reason that my mother knows God. As we say here in the M.E., as a devout follower of God, she sits with her hands open. Giving up anything she has and placing it in Papas hands, but also open to receive His blessings. She married a wonderful man and left the gorgeous town of Miami for Stone Mountain to raise children and one day help raise my mom. She is the most kind and gentle woman I know. My sweet P is sick. When I received the news Monday night I was out in the middle of Amman with some M friends at a cafe. Before I even picked up the phone I knew the news was not good. I am a cryer, I admit it. It’s a gift I believe to show emotion like that but at this moment, I couldn’t have felt more alone. After making a bit of a scene from my sobbing one of the guys here drove me home, while I attempted to emotionally process things. Do I give in and just believe that this woman will die in 6 months, or do I stand tall in the promises of God that say that healing is from heaven? Do I go home to spend my last few months with the woman, basically giving in to the verdict, or do I stay obediently and “pr*y without ceasing, rejoicing always”. (1 T 5:16-18) I look back on the times when my Brother asked people to follow Him, and He said one must “forsake father, mother, sister and brother, for the sake of the Kingdom”. I remember the story of the man who was asked to follow Him and how He wanted to bury his father, and the Son did not allow it. Should I stay or should I go. I feel my heart and my soul would not know how to handle going home.
Amidst all of this jumbled thought this week, I was still here, with 20 other people traveling all over. I am rejoicing because I am finally here, but also confused in my heart of what to stand on in this rough patch of my journey. Atop all of those jumbled thoughts is a reminder from Papa: The greatest hardships lead to the greatest victories.
All my life, I’ve seen how miraculously Papa works in my darkest hour. I saw the most magnificent signs and wonders in my worst seasons, and I’ve also seen how HUGE blunders are an indicator that HUGE things are coming. So is this week, and this “bad news”, really bad news, or just a further indicator that HUGE things are going to happen here? I choose to believe that death does not have to come too soon, and that while God is Sovereign, He also longs for His children to be healed. Since September, I have come up under more war*are than I can think, all leading up to this journey. Hmmm….so is this news the cherry on top or what? Many times the enemy likes to back us into a corner and scare us into believing that He is bigger than our God, but I am not a woman to be scared easily. Fear once had a grip on my life, but now, I recognize it, and leave it at that place, choosing to hold tight to my anchor, the Son instead of giving into the lies of the evil one. So I stay, for now, believing that this woman of God will be at the gate to welcome me home in December. That I will eat her world famous french toast on the morning we celebrate JC’s birthday.
I could write a hundred more things, telling you about this week, and the great times spent with M friends, and even the tearful goodbye that just happened with the last of the friends from home leaving today, but I trust you will know with a peace that He is moving in big ways. For now, please partner with me in pr*yer that God will bring peace that passes all understanding and a joy that leads to praise for the hard times, because they bring the most growth. Many of you do believe in healing, so pr*y with me, and for those of you who aren’t quite sure, please know that I am pr*ying that Papa will show you His grace in it. “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven”. Pr*y that heaven would come. That it would touch these cancerous places and bring full restoration. Pr*y for grace in the times when we (my family) get frustrated with doctors results, and things we cannot explain. Most of all, pr*y that my heart would remain steadfast, focused and strong. That even from a half a world away that I might somehow be able to give comfort back home. That all would be comforted by the fact that God is so much bigger than we can imagine. (Job 11:7) That He sees us, and knows our achings and longings.
Continue to pr*y for the M.E. Friends here, go through these same sorts of trials, but choose rather to say it is God’s will. A child may die from being hit by a car and it was God’s will. We know that in the K of H, that there is greater hope, instead of just writing off occurances like death as God’s will. I learned what true hope was in my darkest season, and chose to cling to that. The reminder that hope is like a light, even if just a flicker to remind you that the road is not always dark, but that it shows you how to live out of expectancy in hope, rather than expectancy in people or the things of our flesh. Bless you all for being with me in this time. I feel stronger everyday with each of your pr*yers.
Salaam,
Rachel
